I can't put you from my mind, or my heart. Memories of a sweet childhood race through my head: moments of laughter, of learning, of play. Each of these memories grasps at my heart; where once they gave me great joy, they now feed the ever-growing ache.
You were a sweet child. A generosity that time and time again surprised and delighted me was always in you. Brother, there were many times where you would sacrifice your earnings and your treasures for the pleasure of another. The Bible was not the book you kept in your closet on the highest shelf, but the book you kept by your heart. You were wholesome, with every potential for greatness that any child of opportunity had, despite your home life which was so tragically lacking in stability. You showed every sign of an overcomer, a conquerer of circumstance that few have the strength to fulfill. Now, it seems you have fallen into the majority, the sin-ridden many who rely upon themselves for salvation.
Your focus is ever on yourself. There is a mask that emerges on occasion now; a facade, parading as the generous giver you were as a child, but I see past the mask. Self-gratification is always your aim. Strokes to your ego are your primary concern. The friends you choose satisfy your insecurities, your need to feel independent, and most dangerously, your flesh.
The world has posed, flaunting its goods to you, displaying its disguised, contemptible features to you. It has exposed the raunchy amusement it offers to those who seem not to mind sinking to its level. The world has bared herself to you. The tragedy in your heart, however, is that not only have you chosen to climb upon her and take at a slow pace, pausing to relish each taste of her, but you have chosen to see the simulation of beauty where there is, in truth, none. She is more corrupt than your small mind, that anyone's small mind, could begin to comprehend. Her interior crawls with such hideousness, such repugnancy, such sin, that it is revealed on her devilish exterior, the very body you so eagerly ravish. And you see it not.
I do not hesitate to assume that your Bible lies somewhere forgotten. Perhaps you see it, and perhaps, when you go to church, you take it with you. But it is forgotten. The personal relationship you had with Christ has faded into the dusty, shadowy places of your heart and mind, taking with it the goodness and sweetness and innocence of the child I remember.
Every good and righteous thing that your hardworking mother, my parents, and the Lord has fallen from your mind. You think not of the wisdom they passed to you, that they tried to instill in you to prevent your fall. You think not of the scriptures and their meanings, though you could recite a dozen or more from your photographic memory.
I know I know I know... I can hear you recite those words. The words of dismissal, of disregard, to anything that those who love you desperately attempt to convey to you. If you were to ever read this, my words would fall on closed ears and an unreceptive heart. A heart that is now held in the hands of an adulterous, perverse, satanic world, far from the hands of a loving God who would do anything to wrap His tender fingers around your bleeding heart and clutch it to His.
All I can do is watch. Watch and pray for you, beloved. Watch as you prostrate yourself to a world who will do nothing but deceive and rob you. A world who will strip you of every pleasure in the long run, leaving you naked and in the dark. I almost desire to pray for that moment to come immediately, so you may all the quicker see how dark her intentions are, and how trapped, how ridden with guilt and grief and pain you will be. It is in that moment, I hope and pray, that you will realize how the piercing light of the Lord is irreplaceable, especially by the darkness that satan brings, no matter how disguised it is.
Brother, I love you. Every step you take towards darkness is another quake inside my heart, widening the gap between you and I, taking those treasured childhood memories and quickly replacing them with an ever increasing, painful, ache. I fear for you, and while every fiber of my being fights to scream out to you, to shout, to madly tear into you in an attempt to make you see the path of destruction you are on, I know that I can't. My words would fall on dull ears, a dull heart, and no doubt cause an irreparable division between us. Brother, I love you, and though destruction is not my desire for your life, perhaps it is the only way for you to rediscover how sweet, how fulfilling, the Lord is. To rediscover how light and easy His yoke is compared to the one you are choosing now.
I will always love you, and though I can't stop you from walking the wide path you want, I will be here, doing my best to stay on the straight and narrow, awaiting your return.
Your sister,
Riley
