Monday, June 8, 2009

Letter to a Falling Brother

Beloved Brother,

I can't put you from my mind, or my heart. Memories of a sweet childhood race through my head: moments of laughter, of learning, of play. Each of these memories grasps at my heart; where once they gave me great joy, they now feed the ever-growing ache.
You were a sweet child. A generosity that time and time again surprised and delighted me was always in you. Brother, there were many times where you would sacrifice your earnings and your treasures for the pleasure of another. The Bible was not the book you kept in your closet on the highest shelf, but the book you kept by your heart. You were wholesome, with every potential for greatness that any child of opportunity had, despite your home life which was so tragically lacking in stability. You showed every sign of an overcomer, a conquerer of circumstance that few have the strength to fulfill. Now, it seems you have fallen into the majority, the sin-ridden many who rely upon themselves for salvation.
Your focus is ever on yourself. There is a mask that emerges on occasion now; a facade, parading as the generous giver you were as a child, but I see past the mask. Self-gratification is always your aim. Strokes to your ego are your primary concern. The friends you choose satisfy your insecurities, your need to feel independent, and most dangerously, your flesh.
The world has posed, flaunting its goods to you, displaying its disguised, contemptible features to you. It has exposed the raunchy amusement it offers to those who seem not to mind sinking to its level. The world has bared herself to you. The tragedy in your heart, however, is that not only have you chosen to climb upon her and take at a slow pace, pausing to relish each taste of her, but you have chosen to see the simulation of beauty where there is, in truth, none. She is more corrupt than your small mind, that anyone's small mind, could begin to comprehend. Her interior crawls with such hideousness, such repugnancy, such sin, that it is revealed on her devilish exterior, the very body you so eagerly ravish. And you see it not.
I do not hesitate to assume that your Bible lies somewhere forgotten. Perhaps you see it, and perhaps, when you go to church, you take it with you. But it is forgotten. The personal relationship you had with Christ has faded into the dusty, shadowy places of your heart and mind, taking with it the goodness and sweetness and innocence of the child I remember.
Every good and righteous thing that your hardworking mother, my parents, and the Lord has fallen from your mind. You think not of the wisdom they passed to you, that they tried to instill in you to prevent your fall. You think not of the scriptures and their meanings, though you could recite a dozen or more from your photographic memory.
I know I know I know... I can hear you recite those words. The words of dismissal, of disregard, to anything that those who love you desperately attempt to convey to you. If you were to ever read this, my words would fall on closed ears and an unreceptive heart. A heart that is now held in the hands of an adulterous, perverse, satanic world, far from the hands of a loving God who would do anything to wrap His tender fingers around your bleeding heart and clutch it to His.

All I can do is watch. Watch and pray for you, beloved. Watch as you prostrate yourself to a world who will do nothing but deceive and rob you. A world who will strip you of every pleasure in the long run, leaving you naked and in the dark. I almost desire to pray for that moment to come immediately, so you may all the quicker see how dark her intentions are, and how trapped, how ridden with guilt and grief and pain you will be. It is in that moment, I hope and pray, that you will realize how the piercing light of the Lord is irreplaceable, especially by the darkness that satan brings, no matter how disguised it is.

Brother, I love you. Every step you take towards darkness is another quake inside my heart, widening the gap between you and I, taking those treasured childhood memories and quickly replacing them with an ever increasing, painful, ache. I fear for you, and while every fiber of my being fights to scream out to you, to shout, to madly tear into you in an attempt to make you see the path of destruction you are on, I know that I can't. My words would fall on dull ears, a dull heart, and no doubt cause an irreparable division between us. Brother, I love you, and though destruction is not my desire for your life, perhaps it is the only way for you to rediscover how sweet, how fulfilling, the Lord is. To rediscover how light and easy His yoke is compared to the one you are choosing now.

I will always love you, and though I can't stop you from walking the wide path you want, I will be here, doing my best to stay on the straight and narrow, awaiting your return.

Your sister,
Riley

Sunday, May 10, 2009

UCO TOUR- ENTRY 2

Day 2

Even though a plethora of my fellow choir members were so kind as to give me explicit details of the general format of homestead stays, I still didn’t know what to expect. Turns out it was just as my friends told me.

A lovely woman by the name of Raquel (ric-elle) Ewalt met Hannah Heinz and I in the sanctuary after the concert. She had dark hair, a black-brown color like fire-burnt wood, smooth skin that wasn’t quite pale but not quite tan. She was sweet-natured, the ideal hostess, ensuring that Hannah and I were well-fed and entertained. Upon arriving at her house, where we met her husband Kevin and children Jonah (5), Leah (3), Mical (2), and the newborn whose name escapes me, she introduced us to our room. Scantily decorated but comfortable, the room’s pale yellow walls welcomed us. A queen bed with minimal plllows gave us a place to set our things for a time. As if the room had the motto “don’t judge a book by its cover”, the mattress was quite cozy, much like the rest of the room. We moved into the kitchen while Kevin removed our suitcases from the trunk. All the while, Raquel conversed with us on multiple topics, making us more and more at ease. After a while, she set us up with her kids’ Wii, and I discovered the gloriousness of Mario Kart. That made me happy. J Soon afterward, Hannah and I checked our face books (our hosts were kind enough to offer their internet to us), where I posted my notes on Day 1. Then, we slept.

Back on the buses at 8:00 in the morning, after a pancake breakfast and a few sack lunches. The first of many turkey sandwiches, as I’m told. When we stopped for lunch at 12:15, I discovered a childhood memory that I had for too long forgotten. Inside my sack lunch, stapled shut, I found a note. It was simple- “Have a great tour! Love, the Ewalts”- but the many notes that my own mother had packed into my lunches as a child were resurfaced in my mind. Many “I love you’s” and “have a great day, honey’s” flooded my mind, and resulted in a huge smile on my face.

Thank you, Raquel.

And thank you, Mama. J

P.S. The scenery is getting better and better as we head North!!! Green trees, green fields, and haystacks. Who would have thunk we’d have such a thing in California?

It’s raining here in Redding, and everything is green outside. Becca Flint told me to be prepared for Washington, because it will most likely be raining the whole time we’re there. I’m excited! I love the rain! I’m just worried about the havoc it’s going to wreak on us ladies’ hair. Oh well… all we can do is the best we can do. Poufy, wavy hair isn’t the end of the world, right?....

Preparing for concert #2. Then, off to host home #2. Wonder what it’ll be like…

Okay, I know I’m only 3 days and 2 nights into tour, but this has GOT to be the coolest host family ever!!! Their names are Pat and…Cadesh?...whatever her name is, it’s polish. Oh just kidding- their last name is Polish. Her name is Pam.

As a reminder, I’m in Redding, CA currently, and it definitely has a country feel to it. Well, not a feel. It is country, compared to the Los Angeles suburbs I’ve lived in for the past 7 years.

I’ll tell you all about my stay here tomorrow.

Day 3

The hosts, Pat and Pam, must be in their 40’s or 50’s. The awesome part? The first room we walked into had a full band set-up in it. Drum set, full keyboard (with weighted keys!), microphones, amps, speakers... you name it. They are both in a band whose name escapes me currently- a SKA band. Awesome, right?

What struck me the most however, more so than the hosts’ hobby, was the home. There was no outstanding décor, no fine furniture, no new carpet or prettily-hung curtains. There were no paintings, or even framed posters for that matter. The living room and the kitchen were an arbitrary conglomerate of country knick-knacks, grandma-made doilies, candid family photos framed in simple wood, and shelves supporting a number of antique-store quality goods. Rugged greens and browns mingled homey-like with pinks, blues and reds. The walls were wood, the kitchen floor linoleum, and the worn carpet a sea-foam green. The band room was the only stand-out, with its wan yellow walls hung with band photos, a poster of Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Bing Crosby, and a variety of brass instruments long past their prime.

The best part was the wood-burning stove. The main source of heat, it must have been the newest addition to the home given its make and model, certainly purchased within the past 5 years. The heat it contained radiated through the house, touching it not only with heat but with a welcome hug-like warmth. The smell…oh, the smell. A light, smoky fragrance, trailing with it the memories of oak, pine, and redwood, bringing fresh to my mind the vision of the Leona Valley house. The home I spent 8½ of my growing up years in, heated solely by 2 wood-burning stoves. Memories of my father teaching me to build a fire, drying snow-wet clothes, and warming my hands and feet by the black stoves filled my mind. Needless to say, I was bathed in not only a pleasing aroma, but pleasant memories that I had nearly and so tragically forgotten.

I felt as if I belonged there, as if I were in a dreamworld where my grandmother was a warm and motherly individual, or I had discovered a magical hideaway that a long-lost aunt owned. The house was bedded in pine trees wet with rain, rich green grass, rustic red bricks, and an overfilled fountain that served as a birdbath.

The hosts themselves, despite their ska edge, were just as warm, just as welcoming, and just as comforting as their home was. They greeted us with open arms, encouraging us to scour the kitchen for any need we had. “Don’t bother asking us for anything,” Pam said with a wink in her eye, “I’m a mom. Get it yourself.”

Leaving their home, strange as it may seem, was sad.

On the road. It’s 10:32 AM, and we’re somewhere above Mt. Shasta and Salem, Oregon. EVERYTHING around me is green, lush, covered in trees, whose tops are threaded with scattered patches of fog, as if an oversized spider weaved a delicate web in their tops. The hills turned into mountains, and sometimes, I catch the glimmer of snow on a distant mountaintop. There’s no civilization to be found, but who needs the civil when God’s wild earth radiates His glory like no skyscraper could?

Day 7

It’s been a while since I’ve last written. I came down with a really bad cold on the fourth day of tour and haven’t felt up to writing until now. Let’s see… a brief overview of the past few days:

Day 4: Woke up with a head cold. I slept almost the entire bus ride as a result of some medicine that my host home gave me. The host home was amazing! The parents, John and Jonette, were very hospitable and thankfully clean. They had 2 children: Carson and, believe it or not, a 12-year-old girl named Riley, who plays the trumpet! They are a very involved family, participating in everything from sports to music. Carson, the 14-year-old boy, reminded me of my brother Travis, with his heart of gold, his servanthood, and his mad skills in everything from electric work to woodworking to dropping a transmission.

I had to sit out of the concert that night in Spokane, WA. I was feverish, complete with weak-feeling muscles, red eyes, and cloudy thoughts. I’m thankful I did- I think it lent to a speedier recovery, of which I’m still in the process.

Day 5: I stayed the night at an adorable elderly couples’ home with Candice. Dick and Marilyn were their names. I explained to them that I had come down with a cold, and they were kind enough to give me my own room. I experienced some panic the following morning, however. The Nyquil I took the night before caused me to sleep through my alarm, causing me to wake up 45 minutes past my set time. If it weren’t for Candice, who gently woke me with the question, “Do you need to be up yet?”, I wouldn’t have been ready at all. Through my hurry to leave the house, however, I left my bottle of Castille soap, which served as my facewash and bodywash. (Bummer.) We went to Montana that day, which was breathtaking.

I thought that I understood what “purple mountain majesty” meant, but swiftly realized I was wrong when I viewed the Montana mountains. They were steep and dramatic, the deepest purple lining the base, capped in heavy white snow tinted by the spacious blue sky with lavender. Fields of thick, long grass, greener than anything I’ve ever seen, covered the rest of landscape that wasn’t mountainous. As we drove further into the state, clouds became darker and lower in altitude. An hour after we arrived at the church, it began to snow heavily, drawing gasps from our turquoise-clad women and drenching anyone caught outside for a brief few seconds, including the guys already dressed for the concert. This church is where I lost my hairbrush. Needless to say, I did a lot of borrowing from my roommates, especially that night.

My Montana host home was amazing. The house looked like a Lincoln-Log cabin, had 3 stories, and an AMAZING view of the mountains. It was placed in the middle of green pastures, somewhat removed and isolated from the minute town of Hamilton. The generous hosts, who took in 6 of us girls, consisted of Less and Holly, Courtney, John, and another girl I can’t remember. The breakfast they presented us with was generous- homemade bread, toasted; eggs cooked to order, bacon, English muffins, and orange juice. So far it holds the record for the best host breakfast yet! Us girls stayed in the basement and in the loft, 3 to a floor. The loft is where I stayed, normally the 2 daughters’ room. It was carpeted in maroon, and held a myriad of craft areas and a walk-in closet that held multiple costumes. Cute decorating idea: the bathroom door was 2 saloon-style doors. J

Day 6: Left Montana, and again, slept a lot on the bus. The terrain we passed by for the second time, through a mountain pass, was gorgeous, blanketed in glorious pines, snow-capped mountains, and an innumerable amount of rivers, streams, creeks, lakes, and waterfalls.

We arrived in Wenatchee, WA, where we sang at a Free Methodist church. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I can say that the host home that took me, and 5 other girls, wasn’t the best I’ve had, however, I can gladly report that I was well taken care of, fed well, and still had a great experience. Peter and Beverly Black hosted us, and the entire time they only talked about themselves and their families, no questions directed towards us. Disappointing, but nothing to complain about, and certainly tolerable.

Today, we are on our way to Seattle. We just stopped at a town called Levinworth, a quaint German-style tourist town tucked away in the Cascade Mountains. People walked around in German clothing, styled after yodelers and the like. Gingerbread lined the roofs of the buildings, and the shops were quaint and homey. A festival featuring local artists and a live band, playing music authentic to Germany, lined on of the streets. By the grace of God this adorable tourist trap had a pharmacy, where I was able to purchase a new hairbrush and facewash. I’m again a happy person. J

Now, we’re passing through the Cascade mountains, and the picture outside my window reflects God’s creativity much like the Montana landscape did. Pine trees, a rushing river inspiring me to white water raft again, open pastures and patches of snow pass me by from my home on the bus. I’m going to cease writing for now, not only to chat with my bus partner Jordyn Gonzales, but to admire God’s handiwork in the state of Washington. Seattle, here I come! J

Sunday, May 3, 2009

UCO TOUR- ENTRY 1

I'm going to post these as much as I can, so you all know what's going on with me while I'm traveling with the choir!

Day One

I took a personality quiz on facebook recently that read my personality based on what my eyes look like. Facebook told me that I’m a deep thinker. Funny, but those personality quizzes are oftentimes quite accurate, and while I have nothing better to do sitting on a bus for 8 hours a day, I figured I should document my boredom. Hopefully, I’ll be able to post these updates on a blog, should I gain internet access at some point in my travels.

It’s 10:19 AM currently. The bus, though packed with roughly 53 people, is silent. A few voices can be heard among the hum-drum rumbling that the bus engine produces, and the faint sound of music drifts to my ears from Jared’s iPod, sitting on my left. I’m in the back of the bus, right next to the (thankfully) empty restroom. It’s a good spot for now, with a pleasant view of all the passengers on the bus. I’m told that later my seat will reek of sewage. Speaking of which, we’re an hour on the road and I already have to pee. Shouldn’t have had that complete shake for breakfast…

I hope the clouds, a solid fog transforming the sky into a solemn grey, aren’t a foreboding warning of the adventures that lay ahead. I’m not sure how I feel about this two week tour yet. A mixture of emotions that I have only somewhat sorted out and placed into realization: excited to travel, to see new things, meet new people, and bond with the individuals I have been singing with all year and yet do not know. On the other hand, grieving the mere thought of spending the next two weeks of my life singing, travelling on a bus for 8 or more hours a day, and carrying a smile through it all.

My bus buddies, for now, are Jared Gibbs and Jordyn Gonzales. I enjoy them both so much: Jared, with his laid-back, fun-loving spirit, balanced nicely with a level head and an innate ability to read any social situation and proceed with causing the least amount of drama, and Jordyn, a woman I don’t know too well yet. From what I have gathered about her, however, she has a knack for seeking adventure, a depth of character, a heart for God, and beauty to top it off. I’m looking forward to knowing her better.

Jared is on set-up and tear-down crew, which, in a nutshell, means he’ll possibly be riding on the van for the bulk of the trip. That’ll leave Jordyn and I, however, another thing I’ve gathered from her is that she has many friends in UCO that she will probably want to sit with. I do not. This should be fun.

I’d like to dwell on Jared for a bit. I’ve had many thoughts towards the trials he’s been through, and the man he’s become because of them all. This may sound extremely strange and rather disturbing, but I love to watch him. He projects a simple personality, yet he’s wrapped in a complex past, tainted by complex struggles, and held together by a complex God. He can laugh, he can socialize, he can be lighthearted and playful, but past the fun and games is an enormous depth that can’t be hidden, at least not from me. Depth of perception, depth in knowledge, and depth in character. Just 2 years ago he was a wreck, living with a woman (who is currently a passenger of bus 1), working 2-3 jobs, and a jerk living to gratify himself. One of the most amazing aspects of Jared Gibbs is that he has so obviously allowed Christ to infiltrate and change him. To those who knew him before, “depth of character” would not be a likely attribute to be said of him, but he has changed. Even in the short amount of time that I have known him he has changed. He is humble, yet strong; careful, yet bold; sweet-natured, yet a fighter I would never want to tangle with. He lives life simply, but enjoys the positive complexities he observes and abstaining from the negative. The more I get to know him, the more respect and admiration I accumulate for him. In summary, despite a horrendous past that has scarred him for the rest of his life on earth, he has given his life to the Lord and is quickly and vastly becoming a man of God.

To the reader, it may sound like I posses some amount of romantic feeling towards him. Let me assure you that that is absolutely not the case. Respect and admiration are indeed a necessary attribute to a romantic relationship, however, respect and admiration aren’t only an attribute to romantic relationships. They are required in any functioning friendship, and even acquaintance-ship. In this case, it is simply a friendship that I am honored to have.

It’s now 10:58 and I still have to pee. The catch: I do NOT want to be the first person to use the restroom, especially since my goal is to make friends (through respect and admiration), not repel them via projecting an image of weakness and lack of self-control. Or something like that. On the other hand, I’m confident that at least ONE other person on this bus has to pee. Sigh…. Story of my life.

I’ll fill you in on the result of my dilemma if I decide to write later on.

P.S. I’m looking at Magic Mountain! Wish I were there instead of cramped on a bus- they have public restrooms!!!

Just stopped for lunch in Bakersfield (thank the Lord- I definitely took advantage of McDonald's restroom facilities!). I was sitting on the curb outside of McDonalds with the Babb girls and Michael Bragonier, eating our Provider lunches, when a leather-clad Harley rider struck up a conversation with us. She asked us who we were, what our business was. Hers was more interesting. She has wanted to ride for years, she told us. Wanted to ride and minister to people she met along the way. “The Lord has divine appointments for everyone. You just have to look to fulfill them,” she said. She rides to different prisons, speaking and singing for the Lord into their lives, looking for the divine appointments that Jesus has had set for her since before time. “Pray for Michael,” she said. “He’s a member of the Mexican mafia, really high up in the ranks. A Mexican mafia soldier who wants to be a soldier for Christ.”

Before she left, she encouraged us with a word.

“Ya know, the Lord will give you the desires of your heart, as it says in Psalms 37:4-59. Just ask Him and He’ll give you the desires of your heart. I’m a 62-year-old woman who’s wanted to ride for 40 years, and here I am. A month on the road and instead of going home, I’m going to visit Michael. Ask Him, and don’t stop dreaming.”

That was a divine appointment. I needed to hear that.

Doc mentioned something in the concert tonight that struck me deep, and nearly made me shed a tear or two. Maybe.

It has been a hard trial, not knowing what the Lord's will for my life is when it comes to school. What does He want me to do in the fall? Am I staying at CBU? Am I moving on? Where does He want me to serve Him?!?!

Doc was discussing how he has never applied for a job as a choir director or teacher, but how the Lord provided him with jobs, one by one, until he became a well-known and prolific choir director. He looked right at the choir and said, "Kids, struggle for the Lord's will, and you'll find it." That hit me hard. He's absolutely right: finding the Lord's will IS a struggle sometimes, but God promises that for those of us who seek, we will find. Thank you, Doc, and thank You, Jesus, for the reassurance, the comfort, and the trust that those words spoke into my heart tonight. I am taken care of by the Lord, which is ultimately all I need.

Goodnight, everyone. :-)


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

YEARBOOK FINAL BLOG- Zits

"...Dad?... Da-ad......DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!"

Walt started out of his afternoon nap, gasping and grunting. "What could the kid possibly want now? His mother laid out a snack for him and Hector already. He usually doesn't say much when he hasn't eaten after school," he thought to himself as he pulled a pair of checkered shorts on, dubbed "cool" by his son.

"DAAAAAAAAADDDD!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm COMING, Jeremy!" Walt responded. Teenagers... Walt sluggishly trumped down the stairs towards the biggest stress in his life.

"DAD! Dad, look!" exclaimed Jeremy, angrily, "WHY is my baby picture in the yearbook?!" Walt took the yearbook, still smelling of new binding and printed paper, and glanced at the mentioned picture.

"That's you? Geez, you were chubby. What's on your chin?" commented Walt.

"DAD..."

"I dunno, son, I dunno. Ask your mother."

Jeremy stormed towards the basement where he assumed his mom was doing laundry. Connie was whistling the theme to "Rock Lobster" by the B-52's, shuffling through the pockets of Jeremy's jeans for the change from the movie he might have forgotten to return to her.

"MOM! WHY is my baby picture in the yearbook?!" Jeremy shouted down the stairs.

"Jeremy, if you want to talk to me, at least come into the same room as I am. Yelling from up there is rude."

Jeremy, pounding one foot after another on the wood staircase he busted his chin on as a toddler, asked his pertinent question one more time.

"Oh! You're gym teacher's secretary called and asked me for it," Connie replied, uninterested. "He said he was going to create some kind of guessing game to put in the sports section."

"Why am I the only one with a photo, then, MOM?" accused Jeremy.

"Don't ask me, honey! Ask Pierce! He's the one who made the call. Plus, it's a cute picture, one of my favorites. Even Mrs. Schmitz complimented me on it."

"Mrs. Schmitz is ugly and old, Mom. And Pierce is on the yearbook staff! Are you crazy?!?"

Connie sighed. "Did you eat your snack yet?" she said, dismissively.

Connie could almost hear the gears grinding in Jeremy's head as he marched upstairs in a fit to eat. She hoped he wouldn't hold it against her for too long- it would look bad if he didn't acknowledge her at the Mother-Son dance at the school she was surprising him with. By the time she finished collecting spare change from Jeremy's pockets, a total of $30.57, Jeremy had already hatched a payback plan.

"YOU'RE SO ON WIKIPEDIA MOM!!!" he shouted. She sighed again.

---

After combing his few hairs and brushing his teeth, Walt sauntered back into the kitchen to find Jeremy thoughtfully finishing a plate of carrots and ranch dressing- the perfect mother-made snack.

"Did you find out why your picture was in that book?" he asked.

"Mom did it. Mom did it, and she doesn't even care how she's martyred my reputation at school."

"So, what are you going to do about that?" asked Walt.

"Her face is going on Wikipedia. Under "humiliation"," Jeremy mumbled as he walked away from the table, leaving his empty plate and puddles of dressing on the table.

Walt sighed. "Someday," he thought, "someday I'll figure him out......... What's wikipedia?" He decided to "google" it when Jeremy was finished with his homework that evening.

---

"Can I have some money, Dad? I want to take Sara out to a movie tonight. Her parents are driving," begged Jeremy after dinner. Walt rotated the computer chair towards Jeremy after searching for this "Wikipedia" site online, and mustered a twenty out of his wallet. "Be safe, and let me know when you get there. Make good choices," said Walt, as Jeremy walked away.

Connie walked in just as Walt discovered the search box for Wikipedia. "Walt, Jeremy mentioned something about my face under "humiliation" in Wikipedia. Would you mind searching it while you're there?" She folded laundry as he typed it in.

"Yup. Here it is, all right. Jeremy wasn't kidding. He really did add your picture to the Wikipedia article on "Humiliation"," Walt stated.

Connie stopped folding laundry and reflected on the day. "ALL I DID WAS PUT YOUR BABY PICTURE IN THE YEARBOOK!" she shouted downstairs, just as Jeremy slammed the front door and hopped in the car with Sara.

"C'mere honey. Help me figure out how to make it go away," Walt said calmly. Connie contemplated all the punishments she could use for this disrespectful action, and by the time her husband gave up trying to erase her picture from the World Wide Web (hours later), she had a payback plan.

And the vicious cycle continued.


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Leaving

I am the nameless face;
seen, not heard,
speculated, but not seen.
I am a presence felt,
not acknowledged.
I am the ghost of neglect, and
the representative of the
neglected.
When I am gone-
if I am not already
in the mind of the reader-
When I am gone,
something will be left.
A tiny hole
the size of a grain of sand;
the size of a dream
or a nightmare
that is there and is soon
forgotten.
Realized, but not respected.
I am the shadow under your feet-
there, but not.
The whisper in your ear,
ignored.
The face that is missed,
and yet, not missed
at all.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Lament for a Soldier

Sinning soldier, sanctified
Through loss of blood, loss of pride
what world draws your eyes away?
What haunts your night, robs your day?

What darkness shrouds your eyes once clear?
Who steals courage and implants fear?
Who replaced faith once strong and deep
with doubt that slowly inward creeps?

What incident has made you blind?
What lies were spoken in your mind?
What caused your Lord to be more pained
when viewed in you your torn disdain?

Are great rewards in store for you
if loneliness is what you choose?
Do you expect eternal bliss
for rejecting the Lord's free gift?

What made the chasm, rift, and scar
that separated Christ from heart?
Why could you yearn to let Him go?
Why bring into your life such woe?

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Timid Love

Inspiration comes from a number of places. :-)

Timid Love

Oh delicate heart of mine,
Sheltered from all worldly storms,
Covered in naivety,
Lacking in depravity,
How did around you such walls form?
Thick in great complexities,
Laborious for man to seek,
What caused you swiftly to transform?
A look, a gaze? A face defined?

Where, oh heart, did restraint flee?
What was withdrawn, or lost from sight?
Once carefully guarded,
Emotionally bombarded;
What crevice moved and let in light?
My trust was once retarded,
But truth, my sight regarded;
Who broke down shield to my delight?
What fight could conquer such as He?

...none, for love He died for me.