There has been little to be confident about, even in life, health, finances, residency, food, or otherwise. That is not how it usually is in my world. Usually there is stability, guarantees, reassurances, and security in all of the above. I wasn't even sure if I would make it to school this year or not, given how much I struggled for a loan. I worked hard for this, to be here at CBU--so much so I started the semester off exhausted, not exactly the ideal beginning to a semi-new life.
The pace hasn't slowed yet, either. The semester seemed to launch with more than just a kick start; in fact, it was a kick start with a jet engine/rocket booster attached. I'm surprised at how I've been able to keep up with homework, for the most part.
Just within these past two months I've seen three hospitalizations, two deaths, a broken car, and a pile of bills I'd rather turn into fire kindle. But you know what I've learned?
God is good. It's a phrase my mother keeps reiterating--God is good. God has provided for all that we need, though He is the one who determines what our needs are. He has been faithful to provide for me, faithful to usher in that check or that hug just when I need it. In fact, He's the only reason I'm even here at CBU.
I know this blog was supposed to be about reflections on our first few weeks of school, but every time I glance back at the past month, all I see is one wild ride in life, not at CBU. As much as I wish my education could be my center focus, all I can see are the struggles my family and I have seen, and most of all, how God has provided for us in more ways than we could ask for.
I had been a kind of jump start year without certanties, like how most were or are stuggling with finacial difficulties. I hope yours clears up and I'm so sorry about the sadining events that have happened. Even though deaths are a common part of life, it doesnt make them any easier. I hope you find rest in the Lord and, as the song and verse (I think verse) goes, "Be still and know that I am God." The year is still young, and I hope it starts to recover its composure for you.
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to read these things about you, because I would have never known unless I really dug deep with you. YOu are such a strong girl, enjoying life even as it presses down on you. I know you will be strong, and I'll pray for everything to settle down into place for you. Just remember to breathe, that is what I tell my friends.
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